The time has come, the weatherman says
To indulge in snowy puns
To speak of the “snowpocalypse”
As snow pours down in tons.
Just when we think the storm has passed,
Another squall, it comes!
Supplies and things have gotten scarce
As residents start to loot
Near-barren shelves of bread and meat,
The use of shovels moot.
We all abhor the search for cars,
And traverse the world on foot.
Yes — snOMG! — it’s frakking cold!
We’re bundled up indoor
And cabin fever rears its head:
We’ve paced and paced the floor.
It’s three days now of canceled work!
WHERE’S THE WARMING, GORE?!
The Fed has closed these last few days
(Congress shall make no law)
So much for “neither rain nor sleet” —
Mail delivery? Ha!
Even Whole Foods on P St. closed,
Awaiting promised thaw.
It’s not the cabin fever, tho
Or even howling gale
That renders snow days bearable
For we, those hearty, hale
Who take the opportunity
To mock DC’s snow-clearing FAIL.
For when it comes right down to it
There’s something to be said
For days we spend away from work
Even housebound, stuck in bed
These days away, they can refresh
To read, to sleep, to sled.
It matters less, you understand
How you spend snow days
More important to your attitude
Is embracing all the ways
That folks permit a neighborhood
To bond o’er snowy malaise.
But no! That is ridiculous!
The entire snowy point
Is to embrace the “snowverkill”
To every word anoint
A snowy meaning — keep on theme! —
A “portmansnow” word joint.
All the snow, ice, and the wind,
Those rend’ring, freezing gusts;
They stir all our linguistical,
And punning natures’ lust
But, kids! It’s come time to implore!
Enough! Stop now! Adjust!
It’s snowy now, this brave new world
Accept the old world’s gone!
You’ll never see the beach again!
Boat drinks, from now, are *wrong*!
Just give up perm’nent hope for heat!
Summer is time foregone!
Unlikely, yes, but sadly true
Winter forever set
We share the forlorn grasshopper’s
Wasted summer regrets!
When next it’s warm, I swear to God!
I’ll not snowdays forget!